The Art of Murder (1999)

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Suffering from a title that sounds like an old episode of "Murder, She Wrote," this typical straight-to-video erotic thriller is neither erotic, nor thrilling, nor good.

Elizabeth (Joanna Pacula) is married to old drunk Cole (Michael Moriarty). Elizabeth is also sleeping with Cole's younger business partner Tony (Boyd Kestner). Elizabeth also dabbles in painting, mostly anonymous seascapes of the surrounding Seattle-set, Vancouver-BC-shot area. Willie (Peter Onorati) arrives on the scene with some photos of Tony and Elizabeth, er, opening each other's galleries, and blackmails the duo. At the first payment drop, things go bad. Elizabeth ends up shooting Willie. Tony and Elizabeth hide Willie's body in the lake, but curiosity gets the better of our Liz. She goes to Willie's isolated cabin and finds more photos of herself. Concluding that Willie was obsessed with her, she burns the place to the ground- which only creates further problems. Is it me, or is this reading like a soap opera plot summary you find in the newspaper TV listings?

The video box claims Elizabeth "seems to have it all." It mentions the rich hubby, the big manse, and the affair. This is what a woman having it all gets? Are women supposed to cheer for Elizabeth's predicament, instead of tiring of a spoiled adulterous seascape painter? Moriarty plays a drunk well. In fact, I would hazard to guess that is not just iced tea in the glasses of booze he swills. He looks physically ill, his voice is a raspy whisper, and I would worry about this actor if I were a friend or family member. Poor Kestner is handsome and dashing, but is asked to play a dumb pretty boy role. Onorati is also a talented actor I have seen before, but he gets the one-note jerk villain role here. Comparisons to a soap opera are not that far off. Cut the few nude scenes and a couple of curse words, and you would have a special hour and a half episode of "Passions" or "Another World," or any other now-forgotten sudser. The direction is standard, television episode quality; Preuss does not try to do anything with the bland script.

Despite the title, "The Art of Murder" has little to do with art. Sure, there is murder, but watching that old episode of "Murder, She Wrote" might be more challenging than this shallow take. I can guarantee the acting and writing would be on the same level.

Stats:
(1999) 100 min. (*) out of five stars
-Directed by Ruben Preuss
-Screenplay by Anthony Stark & Sean K. Smith
-Cast: Michael Moriarty, Joanna Pacula, Boyd Kestner, Peter Onorati, Frank Gorshin, Nathaniel DeVeaux, Kathryn Anderson, Betty Linde, Mark Brandon, Thomas Miller, Jaclynn Grad, John Nelson, John Tierney, Kim Stern
(R)