Amityville: No Escape (2016)

*Get a physical copy of "Amityville: No Escape" on Amazon here*
*Get a copy of High Hopes: The Amityville Murders by Gerald Sullivan & Harvey Aronson on Amazon here*
*Get a physical copy of "My Amityville Horror" on Amazon here*
*Get a copy of The Amityville Horror by Jay Anson on Amazon here*

The Amityville Horror films can't be called a "series" anymore. The films mention the original murders and demonic hauntings that started the cycle, but they have so little to do with those events that they must rip off other horror films to scare and entertain. This cheap, short knock-off of "The Blair Witch Project" and "Paranormal Activity" fails.

George (Josh Miller) is working on his bullshit college thesis- exploring fear in the lives of himself and some friends. He invites his sister Elizabeth (Allison Egan), his girlfriend Sarah (Joni Durian), friend Simon (Michael William Ralston), and Simon's hippie friend Lisa (Alia Gabrielle Eckhardt) out into the woods near the original Amityville murder house to document and explore "fear"...but wait, there's more! In an entirely different plot, a videotape from 1997 is interspersed throughout the film. In this footage, Lina (Julia Gomez) is documenting the purchase of the exact same Amityville murder house to her military husband, and strange things begin to occur. The group of college students camp out, and some jump scares are attempted. The connection between the two found footage plots is shown at the end of the film, and makes no sense. Luckily, I had stopped laughing at the facial hair on some of the actors to take note of the climax.

I argue that the entire idea of a "found footage" film is nonsensical. There have been some good ones over the years, but there have been more awful ones, even worse than this- "Amber Alert," "100 Ghost Street: The Return of Richard Speck," and "The Amityville Haunting" come to mind. In this film, plot holes abound. When George starts asking the other cast members what they were most afraid of, you could see the performers' ad-lib improvisation wheels turning. There are no scares, little gore, and zero suspense, aside from wondering how all of this was going to tie together (spoiler alert: not well).

If you are going to riff off actual crimes- horrific crimes that destroyed a family, upended a community, and is still obsessed with decades later- then show some reverence or acknowledgement to what happened aside from a hasty connection mentioned in passing. This is a cheap and unimaginative exploitation of the tragedy, badly written and barely watchable, save for Durian's odd but welcome nude scene. The Amityville collection of films numbers over a dozen today, and there are some intrepid film fans out there who have seen, or are trying to see, all of them. This entry can't rank high on any of their lists.

Stats:
(2016) 78 min. (1/2*) out of five stars
-Directed by Henrique Couto
-Written by Henrique Couto, Ira Gansler
-Cast: Josh Miller, Allison Egan, Joni Durian, Michael William Ralston, Alia Gabrielle Eckhardt, Julia Gomez, Ira Gansler, Matt Brassfield, Stephen Alexander, Duane West, Katrina Gansler
(Unrated)