*Get North Dakota history books on Amazon here*
Before 1878, the Northern Pacific surveyors made their way west from Mandan, North Dakota and discovered a valley now known as Sims Valley. A thick vein of coal was discovered in 1878 when the NPRR was extending their road bed. Thanks to the coal, clay, and ample running spring water that did not freeze in the winter, a station was built. Trains could now take on water all year round. In 1879, the railroad tracks reached the new stop.
Sims wnet through a few names at first. Baby Mine and Bly's Mine were considered, as was Carbon, named for a new brick plant. Sims was named after George V. Sims, chief clerk in the executive office of the railroad in New York, on July 5, 1879. It is also reported that the town was named for a Captain W.H. Sims, a northern Missouri River boat captain. 1879 also saw the opening of the N.P. Coal Company by Charles W. Thompson.
Charles William Thompson was a native of Mt. Pleasant, Iowa, and the son of an Army general. He went to Kenyon College in Gambier, Ohio, and attended the U.S. Military Academy, before becoming a civil engineer for the South Pacific Railway. Thompson was a colonel in the National Guard Dakota, and fought in the Indian Wars.
The mines grew until there were seven in operation. A post office was established on May 2, 1883, with Theodore Shenkenberg serving as postmaster. The same year, the NPRR platted the townsite. Thompson also opened the first store in May, and organized a bank in July with himself as president and Shenkenberg as cashier. The bank was constructed but never opened. In 1884, the output from the coal mine was about 100 tons a day, taken from five different veins.
The coal company built a $15,000 hotel, which was opened to the public as the Oakes House. It was the largest hotel west of Fargo, according to some. Thompson was then the general manager of the coal company.
Charles W. Thompson also opened a brick yard in Sims. The Carbon Pressed Brick and Lime Company had Thompson as president, W.A. Dows as vice president, and J.H. Hansel as secretary and treasurer. Thompson had the contract to build the first state capitol building. Sims brick went into many local buildings, and the Morton County Courthouse in Mandan. It is said that Sims lost the county seat designation to Mandan by just one vote.
Also in 1884, the community organized the Sims Skandinavian Evangelical Lutheran Congregation. The members built a parsonage and held services in the top story, and the minister and his family lived on the main floor. The members got the needed materials to construct their church from an abandoned building in Sims. The church was also said to be the oldest Lutheran church west of the Missouri River.
As Sims was growing, the railroad would send in work gangs of over a hundred people. They would dig ovens in the surrounding hills, and the smell of baked bread woul be evident for miles. Since Sims was the main shipping point west of Mandan, there was a 21-pen stockyard west of the depot. Herds from as far away as South Dakota were driven there for delivery to Chicago or St. Paul.
At its peak, the town was over a mile long. Two additions, Balasta and Ramstown, were added to the town. Sims boasted saloons, a brick schoolhouse, three stores, a lumber yard, two real estate offices, and a Presbyterian church. A fortress was dug out on top of the Anderson hill for protection against Native Americans. The coal mines and brick yard employed over 500 people, with Sims' population being well over a thousand at this time.
The old central part of the state capitol in Bismarck was faced with brick from Sims. It was light colored, and considered very attractive. Unfortunately, the surface began to crumble. The clay from Sims had specks of lime, which slacked and left holes in the brick. The $30,000 brick plant was abandoned. Hard coal was discovered in Montana, so the railroad decided to close the Sims mines in favor of the new hard coal. Speculators not interested in settling moved on as well.
Charles W. Thompson ended up in Washington state in 1890. He became president of Washington Cooperative Mining Syndicate, and Montezuma Mining Company. He owned several valuable copper, gold, and silver properties in Pierce County, Washington. He made his home in Tacoma, Washington and later died.
Sims, North Dakota died as well. In 1906, the population was 300. In 1910, Sims could claim just 86. On October 31, 1947, the post office was discontinued and the mail was routed to Almont. The town continued with a few businesses until December of 1947 when a railroad line change took place. A new line went from New Salem to Glen Ullin, cutting off Sims, Almont, and Curlew. The railroad tracks were taken up a year later. In 1975, Sims had a population of one, and it disappeared from most state atlases and road maps.
--Charles T. Tatum, Jr.
SOURCES:
Almont Golden Jubilee 1906-1956, Almont, ND: 1956.
Crawford, Lewis F., History of North Dakota, Vol. 1, Chicago and New York: The American Historical Society, Inc., 1931.
Fristad, Paula, Historical Mandan and Morton County: Early Days to 1970, Mandan, ND: 1970.
Gallagher, John S., and Patera, Alan H., North Dakota Post Offices 1850-1982, Burtonsville, MD: The Depot, 1982.
Peterson, Marion Plath, ed., Morton Prairie Roots, Dallas, TX: Taylor Publishing Co., 1975.
"Thompson, Charles William," Who Was Who in America, Vol. 1: 1897-1942, Chicago: Marquis Publications, 1968.
Tostevin, Sarah, ed., "Mantani" A History of Mandan- Morton County including Fort McKeen and Fort Abraham Lincoln 1738 to 1964, Mandan, ND: 1964.
Monday, February 10, 2025
Article: "Is This Necessary?: A Thought on Stoicism and Christianity" by Charles T. Tatum, Jr.
*Get the book on Amazon here*
This article was an offshoot of a review I wrote after reading How to Be a Christian Without Being Religious by Fritz Ridenour. It started as notes in a deep-read notebook, and then took on a life of its own:
“When you’ve done well and another has benefited by it, why like a fool do you look for a third thing on top— credit for the good deed or a favor in return?”- Marcus Aurelius
“If you seek tranquillity, do less.” Or (more accurately) do what’s essential—what the logos of a social being requires, and in the requisite way. Which brings a double satisfaction: to do less, better. Because most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquillity. Ask yourself at every moment, “Is this necessary?” But we need to eliminate unnecessary assumptions as well. To eliminate the unnecessary actions that follow.”- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
"For the Christian, every trial, every problem can be a useful experience to build his faith, his confidence, his hope, his happiness...if he faces it by relying on the Holy Spirit."- Fritz Ridenour, How to Be a Christian Without Being Religious *Full Book Review HERE*
It was by chance that I read the three quotations above on the same day, and thought through a connection between them. Not only is "is this necessary?" a profound question to ask yourself, but you must pause to remember to ask it, instead of chalking up a decision to chance or whimsy. Asking over a simple choice makes harder decisions easier to discern and understand. You might still make a "bad" decision, but you'll be able to justify your decision-making process to others (and yourself) who question or disagree. You might understand why they felt they were right, or you can explain why an unpopular decision worked. I want to do better in keeping the "is this necessary?" question in my head, especially concerning helping support my family and better self-care, but also in my quest to build my faith.
"Vacations are necessary, relaxing and free time are necessary, replacing my broken stove is necessary- right?" I agree. One person's necessity may be different from another, but be careful in assuming the eight hours you spend on your phone or in front of your television, while ignoring your family, is necessary. Calling everything you do necessary, as long as you aren't sinning, is a dangerous habit. Deciding to rant online about your obnoxious neighbor may not be necessary, the question doesn't just apply to physical things in our lives. Instead of watching the newest Hollywood fan service reboot, remake, and/or reimagining (I'll argue the necessity of that all day long), maybe play with your kids, read a book, or go for a walk? Pray? Read your Bible? When I'm alone in the house with children in school, and my son is napping (also a necessity!), I'll shut off the TV or computer, put the phone down (but not on silent in case a school needs to get ahold of me), and sit. I'm trying to teach myself to meditate, but as of now, I can feel the stress leave me by listening to the quiet around me for a few minutes. I am also trying to go for more walks on a whim instead of a hardcore scheduling ritual that I beat myself up over if it's raining outside, I hurt, or my baby son is overtired and wants to be held. Is getting mad at myself over a stagnant weight loss effort, or the weather, necessary? No, but standing on our porch and watching the rain fall is necessary to me. Cutting down on distractions also tends to cut down on getting distracted. I don't watch any sports anymore. We have one streaming service we never look at, no cable, and no satellite television. We own a thousand movies on disc and digital, I have a few hundred books I want to read, and the only television station we watch consistently is MeTV over the air, and some programming on YouTube. We literally pay zero dollars for television content, and trust me, the calm we feel about that alone is immeasurable- plus with three kids under the age of seven, who has the time?
Ridenour says challenges teach patience, and patience strengthens character- turn life's trials into something positive. Combine this thought with Marcus Aurelius'- how many of our challenges are due to us not asking "is this necessary?" We can work through our challenges with God's help, we shouldn't stop praying and try to handle troubles on our own, but we can use our knowledge of God's love for us to help answer the question. We wouldn't need to ask "is this necessary?" if the situation involves sin. We have been given a great gift that we don't deserve because of God's grace, so questioning whether we should commit a sin shouldn't require analysis or a second thought. Have God help you when you're undecided or troubled- "is this necessary?"- let Him show you that yes or no, He loves you and wants to help, especially when you subconsciously know the answer.
This article was an offshoot of a review I wrote after reading How to Be a Christian Without Being Religious by Fritz Ridenour. It started as notes in a deep-read notebook, and then took on a life of its own:
“When you’ve done well and another has benefited by it, why like a fool do you look for a third thing on top— credit for the good deed or a favor in return?”- Marcus Aurelius
“If you seek tranquillity, do less.” Or (more accurately) do what’s essential—what the logos of a social being requires, and in the requisite way. Which brings a double satisfaction: to do less, better. Because most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquillity. Ask yourself at every moment, “Is this necessary?” But we need to eliminate unnecessary assumptions as well. To eliminate the unnecessary actions that follow.”- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
"For the Christian, every trial, every problem can be a useful experience to build his faith, his confidence, his hope, his happiness...if he faces it by relying on the Holy Spirit."- Fritz Ridenour, How to Be a Christian Without Being Religious *Full Book Review HERE*
It was by chance that I read the three quotations above on the same day, and thought through a connection between them. Not only is "is this necessary?" a profound question to ask yourself, but you must pause to remember to ask it, instead of chalking up a decision to chance or whimsy. Asking over a simple choice makes harder decisions easier to discern and understand. You might still make a "bad" decision, but you'll be able to justify your decision-making process to others (and yourself) who question or disagree. You might understand why they felt they were right, or you can explain why an unpopular decision worked. I want to do better in keeping the "is this necessary?" question in my head, especially concerning helping support my family and better self-care, but also in my quest to build my faith.
"Vacations are necessary, relaxing and free time are necessary, replacing my broken stove is necessary- right?" I agree. One person's necessity may be different from another, but be careful in assuming the eight hours you spend on your phone or in front of your television, while ignoring your family, is necessary. Calling everything you do necessary, as long as you aren't sinning, is a dangerous habit. Deciding to rant online about your obnoxious neighbor may not be necessary, the question doesn't just apply to physical things in our lives. Instead of watching the newest Hollywood fan service reboot, remake, and/or reimagining (I'll argue the necessity of that all day long), maybe play with your kids, read a book, or go for a walk? Pray? Read your Bible? When I'm alone in the house with children in school, and my son is napping (also a necessity!), I'll shut off the TV or computer, put the phone down (but not on silent in case a school needs to get ahold of me), and sit. I'm trying to teach myself to meditate, but as of now, I can feel the stress leave me by listening to the quiet around me for a few minutes. I am also trying to go for more walks on a whim instead of a hardcore scheduling ritual that I beat myself up over if it's raining outside, I hurt, or my baby son is overtired and wants to be held. Is getting mad at myself over a stagnant weight loss effort, or the weather, necessary? No, but standing on our porch and watching the rain fall is necessary to me. Cutting down on distractions also tends to cut down on getting distracted. I don't watch any sports anymore. We have one streaming service we never look at, no cable, and no satellite television. We own a thousand movies on disc and digital, I have a few hundred books I want to read, and the only television station we watch consistently is MeTV over the air, and some programming on YouTube. We literally pay zero dollars for television content, and trust me, the calm we feel about that alone is immeasurable- plus with three kids under the age of seven, who has the time?
Ridenour says challenges teach patience, and patience strengthens character- turn life's trials into something positive. Combine this thought with Marcus Aurelius'- how many of our challenges are due to us not asking "is this necessary?" We can work through our challenges with God's help, we shouldn't stop praying and try to handle troubles on our own, but we can use our knowledge of God's love for us to help answer the question. We wouldn't need to ask "is this necessary?" if the situation involves sin. We have been given a great gift that we don't deserve because of God's grace, so questioning whether we should commit a sin shouldn't require analysis or a second thought. Have God help you when you're undecided or troubled- "is this necessary?"- let Him show you that yes or no, He loves you and wants to help, especially when you subconsciously know the answer.
Sunday, February 9, 2025
Book Review: "How to Be a Christian Without Being Religious" by Fritz Ridenour
*Get the book on Amazon here*
This 1967 paperback takes the apostle Paul's epistle to the Romans and does a deep read, translating his words to the modern churchgoer. The text I had was punctuated by some fun illustrations by Joyce Thimsen, and Ridenour had me almost all the way throughout the book
Paul wrote ahead to the Romans to prepare them for a visit he would be making, and doing a little preaching about how to deal with Jews and Gentiles. Ridenour quotes from the Living Letters paraphrase, as well as a couple of other writers. The provocative title is easily explained throughout the book, as believers are told that good works and saintly appearances do not necessarily equal being a "good" Christian, and that some are so busy being a flawless churchgoer, they lose sight of Who we are seeking fellowship to worship. Every chapter takes a section of the epistle, quotes it, and then Ridenour explains what Paul meant. The chapters end with "For Further Thought"- a series of questions that incorporate what you just read, other related verses in the Holy Bible, and some critical thinking on your part. There are no right answers. I did a deep read of this deep read, filling a small notebook with over thirty pages of notes, For Further Thought answers, and quotes. Paul's words are heavy on who can have God's salvation, and what must be done to achieve it through faith and not just show.
Ridenour does a great job of answering many "yeah, but what about...?" questions. Jesus died for our sins, but not the temptation of sin. You must be very strong with your gift of salvation to the point where sinning isn't be an option. "I can still sin a little, God will just forgive me again;" no, you are saved from the penalty and guilt of sin but fight the power or draw. The "For Further Thought" questions would confirm what Ridenour wrote, but also allowed me to question some of what was written. I had huge problems with one chapter, however. Paul tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves, but "Chapter 11: The Only Law You Need" also says to obey the government because God is the one who put it there. As I read this in the spring of 2024, and considering this fall's election, I could not wrap my head or heart around this idea. Yes, be a good citizen and pay your debts, but considering some of what members of our government do, they make it VERY difficult. God may be using them to challenge the believer, which Ridenour says will make us a better person, but this was very hard to accept- and I think I speak for many people across the political spectrum. I would love for the social media shrieking to die down- I was part of the noise, and I'm getting away from that. I'm tired of being insulted by people I have known for decades, so I skip those posts and pay more attention to family events, recipes I have no business wanting to try, and teasing my wife online.
I was reading this book and taking notes while waiting for my children to get out of school or while sitting in waiting rooms during appointments, so it took me almost a month. It was humorous to see many people staring into their phone screens for whatever reasons, while I was using my phone to read recommended Bible quotes. This is a nice introduction to non-fiction Christian reading, especially when the thought of reading The Holy Bible all the way through with little context is so daunting. I even jotted down some notes for a short article about some stoic wisdom from Marcus Aurelius, and how some of Paul's words relate. This is a very readable little book, and I recommend a deep read of this deep read to broaden your horizons.
This 1967 paperback takes the apostle Paul's epistle to the Romans and does a deep read, translating his words to the modern churchgoer. The text I had was punctuated by some fun illustrations by Joyce Thimsen, and Ridenour had me almost all the way throughout the book
Paul wrote ahead to the Romans to prepare them for a visit he would be making, and doing a little preaching about how to deal with Jews and Gentiles. Ridenour quotes from the Living Letters paraphrase, as well as a couple of other writers. The provocative title is easily explained throughout the book, as believers are told that good works and saintly appearances do not necessarily equal being a "good" Christian, and that some are so busy being a flawless churchgoer, they lose sight of Who we are seeking fellowship to worship. Every chapter takes a section of the epistle, quotes it, and then Ridenour explains what Paul meant. The chapters end with "For Further Thought"- a series of questions that incorporate what you just read, other related verses in the Holy Bible, and some critical thinking on your part. There are no right answers. I did a deep read of this deep read, filling a small notebook with over thirty pages of notes, For Further Thought answers, and quotes. Paul's words are heavy on who can have God's salvation, and what must be done to achieve it through faith and not just show.
Ridenour does a great job of answering many "yeah, but what about...?" questions. Jesus died for our sins, but not the temptation of sin. You must be very strong with your gift of salvation to the point where sinning isn't be an option. "I can still sin a little, God will just forgive me again;" no, you are saved from the penalty and guilt of sin but fight the power or draw. The "For Further Thought" questions would confirm what Ridenour wrote, but also allowed me to question some of what was written. I had huge problems with one chapter, however. Paul tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves, but "Chapter 11: The Only Law You Need" also says to obey the government because God is the one who put it there. As I read this in the spring of 2024, and considering this fall's election, I could not wrap my head or heart around this idea. Yes, be a good citizen and pay your debts, but considering some of what members of our government do, they make it VERY difficult. God may be using them to challenge the believer, which Ridenour says will make us a better person, but this was very hard to accept- and I think I speak for many people across the political spectrum. I would love for the social media shrieking to die down- I was part of the noise, and I'm getting away from that. I'm tired of being insulted by people I have known for decades, so I skip those posts and pay more attention to family events, recipes I have no business wanting to try, and teasing my wife online.
I was reading this book and taking notes while waiting for my children to get out of school or while sitting in waiting rooms during appointments, so it took me almost a month. It was humorous to see many people staring into their phone screens for whatever reasons, while I was using my phone to read recommended Bible quotes. This is a nice introduction to non-fiction Christian reading, especially when the thought of reading The Holy Bible all the way through with little context is so daunting. I even jotted down some notes for a short article about some stoic wisdom from Marcus Aurelius, and how some of Paul's words relate. This is a very readable little book, and I recommend a deep read of this deep read to broaden your horizons.
BOOK REVIEW INDEX
BOOK REVIEWS: (alphabetical by primary author's last name)
H
- Scenes with My Son: Love and Grief in the Wake of Suicide by Robert Hubbard
R
- How to Be a Christian Without Being Religious by Fritz Ridenour
H
- Scenes with My Son: Love and Grief in the Wake of Suicide by Robert Hubbard
R
- How to Be a Christian Without Being Religious by Fritz Ridenour
Book Review: "Scenes with My Son: Love and Grief in the Wake of Suicide" by Robert Hubbard
*Get the book on Amazon here*
While I have read hundreds of books in my lifetime, I have only written about a few. I was a bigger fan of film until recently, having watched about seven thousand feature-length movies and shorts that I remember, and reviewing about a thousand (I'm reconstructing an archive blog of those old film, book, and album reviews here). I'm no expert on writing down my thoughts on a film or book, I sometimes have nothing to contribute to the infinite amount of words online, but I found Robert Hubbard's book shook me from my quiet cerebral life, and tapping out these words at my dining room table at 7AM on a cold North Dakota Sunday morning is among one of the more difficult things I've forced myself to do.
I should preface this by saying that I have known the author and his wife and parents for over thirty years. We went to college together where I majored in Broadcasting and minored in Communication Arts. Bob Hubbard and his then-girlfriend April were in the theater department where I found myself auditioning for plays and scoring some roles here and there. Bob's stepdad officiated my sister's wedding, and I had many conversations with him and Bob's mother- they are two of the most interesting people I have met and I even have a couple of books Dr. Slanger wrote on my bookshelves in my basement home office. I was baptized into the Episcopal faith as an infant, making me a member of the church longer than Bob himself, but since I was raised on Air Force bases around the world, my status as "non-practicing" began immediately. My religious upbringing is as messy and scattershot as my college transcripts (four universities, three different declared majors, one Bachelor of Arts degree that I keep in a drawer in my aforementioned home office), consisting of military non-denominational services, a Roman Catholic First Confession- "forgive me, Father, for I have sinned- my last confession was over four and a half decades ago"- Southern Baptist summer camp, Episcopal confirmation classes, dabbling in Catholicism and Buddhism, and getting married into the UCC faith to my first wife. After I graduated (was freed) from my alma mater, I lost track of Bob and April except a few mentions here and there in the alumni magazine. I went back to school seven years after my first degree to get a second one, but dropped out, my marriage ended, and life continued.
It was on social media, something I quit and rejoin with reckless abandon, that I found out about Bob and April's son August and how he took his own life. I started digging deeper into what happened- I am very good at searching out things that I need to find online, it's a gift I guess, and I was heartbroken for the Hubbard and Slanger family. Aspects of Auggie's story mirrored my own. My oldest child is on the autism spectrum. Clinical depression runs rampant in Bob and April's family, and mine as well (I am a High Functioning Depressive with many hours of counseling under my big giant belt). I ordered this book as soon as I learned of its existence, and started reading it right away. I was 39 pages in when I needed to put it down and take a break from it, for reasons I'll reveal later.
Bob and April's journey with Auggie isn't a cautionary tale because nothing could have been done to stop what happened. Suicide is a taboo subject, despite the fact that it, and sudden death in general, affects everyone in the world no matter how tightly we wrap ourselves in our little bubbles and try to ignore it. Bob is an acclaimed theater director and his memoir jumps back and forth in time, telling the reader about scenes from his life with and without Auggie. I immediately connected with what the family was going through, a connection that I made even if I didn't know the author. I am typing this on the seventh anniversary of my father-in-law's sudden passing. Since that horrible day, my wife has lost an aunt and both her grandparents. My own parents have passed away in the last four years, victims of memory problems and leaving the rest of us with zero closure aside from some journals from one of them that I wished I had never read but am still thankful that I did if only to confirm how they felt about me. The Hubbards tried everything with Auggie, relying on their sometimes-shaky faith to get them through, but questioning that helpful faith in the process.
Bob's tone is very emotional, honest, and conversational. I felt for Auggie, trying to get a grasp on what was happening to him inside his head. When you're in the grips of mental illness, you don't know where to turn, and that "everyone is against me" feeling is constant. Bob plunges head-on into what happened, and doesn't sugarcoat anything. He discovered Auggie's body, but doesn't go into detail about how Auggie died, keeping that as something between his son and himself. I completely understand, and appreciate that. I also understood the constant paranoia of walking in the door and wondering if "everything's okay" with your mentally disordered relative. In high school, I used to get off the bus and literally run a block home- not because Grand Forks Air Force Base was the coldest place on Earth at that point in my life, but to make sure "everything's okay" inside. I just realized I never told anyone that before.
Bob relied on prayer to get him through this, but the book is not preachy treacle. He read a lot of books about grief, with some being helpful and some not. He writes a "What Would Auggie Do?" list of things that get him through what amounts to a lifelong trauma that will never go away. Losing a child is not something that you forget, and it doesn't toughen you up for the next round of tumult in your life. My daughter had to be resuscitated twice in her first three days of life at a children's hospital in Minneapolis, but that didn't prepare us for the George Floyd riots and COVID protocols that were waiting just around the literal corner. It was easy to get despondent about my parents dying without the closure I craved, but I handle it by talking and side-eyeing the ceiling once in a while, asking them what they think of something I am reading or watching on television. I never get an answer.
Scenes with My Son: Love and Grief in the Wake of Suicide is a brutal read, mentally. It's not hopeless and morbid, but it doesn't have a happy movie-type ending because although the book has ended, the grief the Hubbards are going through won't end; but neither will the love mentioned in the subtitle.
This is one of the longest "reviews" I've ever written but I wanted to close by explaining why I had to put this book down for a while. Bob and I had some of the same experiences with our respective upbringings: our children's problems, a supremely flawed parent, academic university life (my grandfather was a Philosophy professor and Dean), and being an Episcopalian in very Lutheran North Dakota. We are polar opposites politically, I laughed when he wrote about the uncomfortable Tea Party sermons in a small rural church as I remembered fidgeting through talks with titles like "America's Greatest Leaders: Carter, Clinton, and Christ!" and pastoral drama in my own decade going to a Liberal church every "visit home" to the now ex-in-laws' (I am very apolitical now).
I was waiting outside my daughter's elementary school one brisk day for her to come out so we could go home. I had my youngest daughter with me, she was practicing a standing long jump, happily playing (my wife and I have three children together now and I get mistaken for "grandpa" on a regular basis). I had started reading this book, and it was swirling in my head every waking hour. It was very windy, North Dakota-windy, and the giant pine trees nearby sounded like jet engines with the cold air blowing through them and us. The school door popped open and a teacher or teacher's paraprofessional came out, leading a dark haired little boy to a waiting daycare van behind me. I heard the door open, turned around, and watched the gal help the little boy into the van and then pause to talk to the driver, yelling to be heard: "This is our new friend August! He goes by 'Auggie' and he's going to be with us from now on!" The driver nodded and smiled, and Auggie sat down and got buckled in. My youngest daughter was clinging to my leg, she's tiny and I think she was trying not to blow away. I was in tears (getting dramatically dried by the wind), and I felt like I was getting confirmation from somewhere that Auggie was a new friend and he was going to be with all of us from now on. I came home, completely changed my writing choices and subjects, hence the archive blog, started writing in a physical journal, and opened up this new blog for new viewpoints and writing. Finally, I picked up Bob's book again, and completed it. Thanks, Bob, April, Auggie, and your friends and family for sharing your story.
While I have read hundreds of books in my lifetime, I have only written about a few. I was a bigger fan of film until recently, having watched about seven thousand feature-length movies and shorts that I remember, and reviewing about a thousand (I'm reconstructing an archive blog of those old film, book, and album reviews here). I'm no expert on writing down my thoughts on a film or book, I sometimes have nothing to contribute to the infinite amount of words online, but I found Robert Hubbard's book shook me from my quiet cerebral life, and tapping out these words at my dining room table at 7AM on a cold North Dakota Sunday morning is among one of the more difficult things I've forced myself to do.
I should preface this by saying that I have known the author and his wife and parents for over thirty years. We went to college together where I majored in Broadcasting and minored in Communication Arts. Bob Hubbard and his then-girlfriend April were in the theater department where I found myself auditioning for plays and scoring some roles here and there. Bob's stepdad officiated my sister's wedding, and I had many conversations with him and Bob's mother- they are two of the most interesting people I have met and I even have a couple of books Dr. Slanger wrote on my bookshelves in my basement home office. I was baptized into the Episcopal faith as an infant, making me a member of the church longer than Bob himself, but since I was raised on Air Force bases around the world, my status as "non-practicing" began immediately. My religious upbringing is as messy and scattershot as my college transcripts (four universities, three different declared majors, one Bachelor of Arts degree that I keep in a drawer in my aforementioned home office), consisting of military non-denominational services, a Roman Catholic First Confession- "forgive me, Father, for I have sinned- my last confession was over four and a half decades ago"- Southern Baptist summer camp, Episcopal confirmation classes, dabbling in Catholicism and Buddhism, and getting married into the UCC faith to my first wife. After I graduated (was freed) from my alma mater, I lost track of Bob and April except a few mentions here and there in the alumni magazine. I went back to school seven years after my first degree to get a second one, but dropped out, my marriage ended, and life continued.
It was on social media, something I quit and rejoin with reckless abandon, that I found out about Bob and April's son August and how he took his own life. I started digging deeper into what happened- I am very good at searching out things that I need to find online, it's a gift I guess, and I was heartbroken for the Hubbard and Slanger family. Aspects of Auggie's story mirrored my own. My oldest child is on the autism spectrum. Clinical depression runs rampant in Bob and April's family, and mine as well (I am a High Functioning Depressive with many hours of counseling under my big giant belt). I ordered this book as soon as I learned of its existence, and started reading it right away. I was 39 pages in when I needed to put it down and take a break from it, for reasons I'll reveal later.
Bob and April's journey with Auggie isn't a cautionary tale because nothing could have been done to stop what happened. Suicide is a taboo subject, despite the fact that it, and sudden death in general, affects everyone in the world no matter how tightly we wrap ourselves in our little bubbles and try to ignore it. Bob is an acclaimed theater director and his memoir jumps back and forth in time, telling the reader about scenes from his life with and without Auggie. I immediately connected with what the family was going through, a connection that I made even if I didn't know the author. I am typing this on the seventh anniversary of my father-in-law's sudden passing. Since that horrible day, my wife has lost an aunt and both her grandparents. My own parents have passed away in the last four years, victims of memory problems and leaving the rest of us with zero closure aside from some journals from one of them that I wished I had never read but am still thankful that I did if only to confirm how they felt about me. The Hubbards tried everything with Auggie, relying on their sometimes-shaky faith to get them through, but questioning that helpful faith in the process.
Bob's tone is very emotional, honest, and conversational. I felt for Auggie, trying to get a grasp on what was happening to him inside his head. When you're in the grips of mental illness, you don't know where to turn, and that "everyone is against me" feeling is constant. Bob plunges head-on into what happened, and doesn't sugarcoat anything. He discovered Auggie's body, but doesn't go into detail about how Auggie died, keeping that as something between his son and himself. I completely understand, and appreciate that. I also understood the constant paranoia of walking in the door and wondering if "everything's okay" with your mentally disordered relative. In high school, I used to get off the bus and literally run a block home- not because Grand Forks Air Force Base was the coldest place on Earth at that point in my life, but to make sure "everything's okay" inside. I just realized I never told anyone that before.
Bob relied on prayer to get him through this, but the book is not preachy treacle. He read a lot of books about grief, with some being helpful and some not. He writes a "What Would Auggie Do?" list of things that get him through what amounts to a lifelong trauma that will never go away. Losing a child is not something that you forget, and it doesn't toughen you up for the next round of tumult in your life. My daughter had to be resuscitated twice in her first three days of life at a children's hospital in Minneapolis, but that didn't prepare us for the George Floyd riots and COVID protocols that were waiting just around the literal corner. It was easy to get despondent about my parents dying without the closure I craved, but I handle it by talking and side-eyeing the ceiling once in a while, asking them what they think of something I am reading or watching on television. I never get an answer.
Scenes with My Son: Love and Grief in the Wake of Suicide is a brutal read, mentally. It's not hopeless and morbid, but it doesn't have a happy movie-type ending because although the book has ended, the grief the Hubbards are going through won't end; but neither will the love mentioned in the subtitle.
This is one of the longest "reviews" I've ever written but I wanted to close by explaining why I had to put this book down for a while. Bob and I had some of the same experiences with our respective upbringings: our children's problems, a supremely flawed parent, academic university life (my grandfather was a Philosophy professor and Dean), and being an Episcopalian in very Lutheran North Dakota. We are polar opposites politically, I laughed when he wrote about the uncomfortable Tea Party sermons in a small rural church as I remembered fidgeting through talks with titles like "America's Greatest Leaders: Carter, Clinton, and Christ!" and pastoral drama in my own decade going to a Liberal church every "visit home" to the now ex-in-laws' (I am very apolitical now).
I was waiting outside my daughter's elementary school one brisk day for her to come out so we could go home. I had my youngest daughter with me, she was practicing a standing long jump, happily playing (my wife and I have three children together now and I get mistaken for "grandpa" on a regular basis). I had started reading this book, and it was swirling in my head every waking hour. It was very windy, North Dakota-windy, and the giant pine trees nearby sounded like jet engines with the cold air blowing through them and us. The school door popped open and a teacher or teacher's paraprofessional came out, leading a dark haired little boy to a waiting daycare van behind me. I heard the door open, turned around, and watched the gal help the little boy into the van and then pause to talk to the driver, yelling to be heard: "This is our new friend August! He goes by 'Auggie' and he's going to be with us from now on!" The driver nodded and smiled, and Auggie sat down and got buckled in. My youngest daughter was clinging to my leg, she's tiny and I think she was trying not to blow away. I was in tears (getting dramatically dried by the wind), and I felt like I was getting confirmation from somewhere that Auggie was a new friend and he was going to be with all of us from now on. I came home, completely changed my writing choices and subjects, hence the archive blog, started writing in a physical journal, and opened up this new blog for new viewpoints and writing. Finally, I picked up Bob's book again, and completed it. Thanks, Bob, April, Auggie, and your friends and family for sharing your story.
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