The Assisi Underground (1985)

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The story of Italian priests hiding Jews in the Chapel of St. Francis and Cloister of St. Clare should have been given better treatment than this poorly done film.

Slashed by almost an hour from its original release, Padre Rufino (Ben Cross) is asked by Bishop Nicolini (James Mason) to hide some Jews in the monastery and cloister at Assisi. He does, while making friends with thoughtful Nazi Colonel Muller (Maximilian Schell), the town commandant. Jews are almost discovered, the war ends, and everyone gets a little mention about what happened to them at the end of the film.

The film's pace is dull, it is nothing more than Nazi extras asking for identification papers and Cross looking like the cat that ate the canary. I half expected him to wink at the camera every time a Nazi goosestepped into frame. Cross often forgets his Italian accent but Mason's idea of an Italian accent is to add an "uh" syllable at the end of every word, such as "We-uh must-uh help-uh the-uh Jews-uh." Most of his speeches are completely devoid of comprehension, I thought I was listening to gibberish. The Jews here are not portrayed as victims, it's more like they have been inconvenienced by World War II. They do not come across as stoic and bold, but spoiled and complaining. In one embarrassing scene, Rufino, loved by all Jews who meet him, does a magic trick, compliments a painting, and comforts Jews like he is the activities director at an adult day care facility. Schell comes off best as the Nazi officer torn between his obligation to the Third Reich and his upbringing as a Catholic, not enough of his inner turmoil was explored. The film also features a horrendous soundtrack that sounds like bits and pieces of other war films just thrown into the sound mix. There are a couple of battle scenes, one with obvious stock footage, but this is not good.

"The Assisi Underground" was made by the guys at the old Cannon Group studio, and watching this was my first error if you are familiar with their product.

Stats:
(1985) 115 min. (*) out of five stars
-Directed by Alexander Ramati
-Written by Alexander Ramati based on his novel
-Cast: Ben Cross, James Mason, Maximilian Schell, Irene Papas, Edmund Purdom, Karlheinz Hackl, Riccardo Cucciolla, Angelo Infanti, Paolo Malco, Tom Felleghy, Delia Boccardo, Roberto Bisacco, Didi Ramati
(PG)

Bruce Lee in New Guinea (1978)

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Bruce Li is an anthropologist/martial arts expert who is led by a friend to an island near New Guinea. A cult on the island worships snakes- what else are you going to do on a land mass named Snake Worship Island? Spoilers in the following review.

A devil sect runs the island, and the island princess is powerless to stop them. The duo is led by some comic relief guides, and meet another man who is looking for a "snake pearl," a giant jewel. He meets up with the Great Wizard and is fatally poisoned, but not before warning Li of the wizard's powers. Li fights the wizard, gets poisoned too, and disappears. Much later, Li turns up back in Hong Kong with a story: he was saved by the princess and fell in love with her, forced to leave by the wizard. Li and his friend decide to go back to Snake Worship Island, this time to rescue his love, and the child he did not know he had fathered.

I apologize for the lack of characters' names, but no one is identified during the credits. What is left is a howlingly bad martial arts film, with enough camp and action to keep it out of the one-star category. Bruce Li was one of many Bruce Lee look alikes who popped up after Lee's untimely death. He looks like Lee in some shots, but Li lacks the intensity that Lee conveyed in his film work. The snake worship cult is hilarious. Their giant temple is the size of the living room I watched the video in. Their costuming is especially funny, multicolored short shorts and matching headbands. The dubbing, always bad in these things, is bad here, too. However, the martial arts action is pretty cool. The choreography is top notch, and the special effects are not too badly done except for a terrible looking snake spell put on a baby. There is also a large amount of female nudity here, for those who need that to make this kind of film complete.

Weird pacing, snake worship, naked beach frolicking, a poisonous ring, and a secondary villain who looks like Cat Stevens- what more could you want? "Bruce Lee in New Guinea" is dumb campy fun, and nothing the Foreign Language Film Academy Award Nominating Committee overlooked that year.

Stats:
(1978) 80 min. (* *) out of five stars
-Directed by C.Y. Yang
-Screenplay by Ku-Yao Yang
-Cast: Bruce Li, Dana, Sing Chen, Bolo Yeung, Jim Bruce, Alan Ellerton, Ju Fang, Chin-Kun Li, Kwai Shan, Mao Shan, Chin-Lai Sung, Chin-Tang Tang, Siu-Ming To, Tau Wan Ye, Fa-Yuan Li, Hoi-Sang Lee, Kar-Yung Lau, Lik Cheung
(Not Rated)

The Art of Murder (1999)

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Suffering from a title that sounds like an old episode of "Murder, She Wrote," this typical straight-to-video erotic thriller is neither erotic, nor thrilling, nor good.

Elizabeth (Joanna Pacula) is married to old drunk Cole (Michael Moriarty). Elizabeth is also sleeping with Cole's younger business partner Tony (Boyd Kestner). Elizabeth also dabbles in painting, mostly anonymous seascapes of the surrounding Seattle-set, Vancouver-BC-shot area. Willie (Peter Onorati) arrives on the scene with some photos of Tony and Elizabeth, er, opening each other's galleries, and blackmails the duo. At the first payment drop, things go bad. Elizabeth ends up shooting Willie. Tony and Elizabeth hide Willie's body in the lake, but curiosity gets the better of our Liz. She goes to Willie's isolated cabin and finds more photos of herself. Concluding that Willie was obsessed with her, she burns the place to the ground- which only creates further problems. Is it me, or is this reading like a soap opera plot summary you find in the newspaper TV listings?

The video box claims Elizabeth "seems to have it all." It mentions the rich hubby, the big manse, and the affair. This is what a woman having it all gets? Are women supposed to cheer for Elizabeth's predicament, instead of tiring of a spoiled adulterous seascape painter? Moriarty plays a drunk well. In fact, I would hazard to guess that is not just iced tea in the glasses of booze he swills. He looks physically ill, his voice is a raspy whisper, and I would worry about this actor if I were a friend or family member. Poor Kestner is handsome and dashing, but is asked to play a dumb pretty boy role. Onorati is also a talented actor I have seen before, but he gets the one-note jerk villain role here. Comparisons to a soap opera are not that far off. Cut the few nude scenes and a couple of curse words, and you would have a special hour and a half episode of "Passions" or "Another World," or any other now-forgotten sudser. The direction is standard, television episode quality; Preuss does not try to do anything with the bland script.

Despite the title, "The Art of Murder" has little to do with art. Sure, there is murder, but watching that old episode of "Murder, She Wrote" might be more challenging than this shallow take. I can guarantee the acting and writing would be on the same level.

Stats:
(1999) 100 min. (*) out of five stars
-Directed by Ruben Preuss
-Screenplay by Anthony Stark & Sean K. Smith
-Cast: Michael Moriarty, Joanna Pacula, Boyd Kestner, Peter Onorati, Frank Gorshin, Nathaniel DeVeaux, Kathryn Anderson, Betty Linde, Mark Brandon, Thomas Miller, Jaclynn Grad, John Nelson, John Tierney, Kim Stern
(R)

Brother Sun, Sister Moon (1972)

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With all the parallels between this movie and the Hippie generation, it is ironic that it's major strengths are its good old fashioned film standards.

Sadly, this film has no real plot to summarize. Graham Faulkner is very good as St. Francis of Assisi, a merchant's son who discovers God one day in the 1200's. He shuns all possessions, lives in poverty, and begins gathering devoted followers as he rebuilds a decrepit church on the outskirts of the city. Pope Innocent III (Alec Guinness) decides an audience with Francis is in order, especially after the local bishop's troops try to burn down the church. The final scene between Francis and the pope is very good and very touching.

Everyone seemed to hate Faulkner's performance except me. He is very good as Francis, wide eyes and seemingly insane, but without being goody-goody. Guinness, looking like Obi Wan Kenobi, is Pope Innocent III, who eventually sees that Francis is living the Christian life so many others crave but are afraid to try. His scene is very good and too short. My main complaint about this film is its lack of story. The pictures are very pretty, the music is nice, but not much happens here. This is a surprise considering the cowriters included the director and Lina Wertmuller, the diva of European cinema. Donovan's songs are no worse than the song compilations that pass themselves off as film soundtracks today. If anything, they are slightly inappropriate considering the time and subject matter, but I will listen to them another hundred times before I hear "Who Let the Dogs Out" on one more movie preview. Judi Bowker as Clare, Francis' comrade in Christ, is absolutely wasted. Her character is the back half of the title of the film, and she is given little to do besides look at Francis coquettishly, and join his gang in time for the film to end.

If anything, the film will have you thinking about your own life and your hold on material possessions. This is not a perfect film, but on par with the Mickey Rourke/Helena Bonham Carter film "Francesco," which covered the same lives.

Stats:
(1972) 121 min. (* * * 1/2) out of five stars
-Directed by Franco Zeffirelli
-Original Story and Screenplay by Suso Cecchi D'Amico, Lina Wertmuller, Franco Zeffirelli, English Dialogue by Kenneth Ross
-Cast: Graham Faulkner, Judi Bowker, Alec Guinness, Leigh Lawson, Kenneth Cranham, Lee Montague, Valentina Cortese, Michael Feast, Nicholas Willatt, Adolfo Celi, Peter Firth, Francesco Guerrieri
(PG)

...Around (2010)

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As a fan of the documentary "Cinemania," I am aware of a segment of the population that loves film. Films, movies, cinema, motion pictures- whatever you call it, it is the center of their lives. This kind of obsessive love of an art form is what I expected from David Spaltro's "...Around," but in fact, I got a whole lot more.

Doyle Simms (Robert W. Evans) is a New Jerseyite from a broken home who's itching to go to nearby New York City and enroll in film school. That home life is a nightmare, where he and his sister (Ali Tobia) are terrorized by a very bitter mother (Berenice Mosca). Doyle has a dream, no real life plan, and packs up his belongings in plastic bags and departs. His first year is a bit rough, he returns for the summer, then heads back to New York for another eventful year. This year, he was late with some paperwork and denied financial aid. Doyle finds himself homeless, paying his tuition with credit cards, but living out of public restrooms and lockers. He shoplifts, and begins learning how to survive on the street, thanks in part to Saul (Ron Brice), who has accepted his lot in life and wishes Doyle would do the same. Doyle gets an awful part-time job in a restaurant and meets Allyson (Molly Ryman), a wannabe actress who he has already seen nude thanks to conning his way into an anatomy drawing class at his art school. Allyson is very weary of the charming Doyle, but eventually warms up. Doyle keeps returning home to be berated by his increasingly unstable mother, then flees back to his new burgeoning relationship with Allyson. He eventually saves up enough for a tiny apartment, keeps trying to come up with a film thesis, but in his brain, he is still "homeless," feeling trapped when inside. Saul's forecast of "Movie Star"'s life- Saul nicknamed him after hearing Doyle is in film school- looks like it is coming true. Despite new friends and surrogate family members, Doyle's life is not coming together as he and others imagined it would.

Writer/director David Spaltro based his film on actual experiences, and it is clear the he is showing us his story. He tells us in his film that everyone has a story, but unexpectedly never crosses into touchy-feely territory. I've never been homeless (came close years ago), only went to film school for a semester- all film study courses, never touched a camera, but I still completely associated with Doyle's outlook on life, and those life experiences. The film is dark and depressing, but I found it watchable, as Spaltro gets the audience to care about someone who many would have written off a long time ago. Evans as Doyle is excellent. While some of the casting and aging is a little awkward with the cast, Evans and company carry the picture. Molly Ryman is also wonderful in her role, never playing Allyson as an unattainable love interest. Ron Brice and Marcel Torres add gravity as Doyle's friends, and Spaltro gives them great material, so they never become just "supporting friend characters." Mosca is also great, her scenes with Evans in the hospital are also familiar and universal, even though I have never experienced anything like them in my personal life. Spaltro's direction is fantastic and the editing is very professional, making good use of what he shot. My only complaints concern technical aspects, really. Some of the dialogue is a bit hard to understand, and a few scenes sag here and there, especially the Mona the dancer subplot, which seems unnecessary. There was also some confusion about the wrap-around scenes on the bus. I like that Spaltro used actual New York City locations, and wish more productions would. The city has a look and feel that cannot be duplicated in Toronto or other stand-ins.

The title "...Around" comes from an answer Doyle gives when asked where he lives. The film is so much more than a story of a homeless guy who gets through film school. It addresses the definitions of friendship, family, and life. Spaltro and his cast and crew do a nice job, creating characters I came to care about.

Stats:
(2010) 104 min. (* * * *) out of five stars
-Directed and Written by David Spaltro
-Cast: Robert W. Evans, Molly Ryman, Ali Tobia, Berenice Mosca, Ron Brice, Marcel Torres, Veronica Heffron, David Joseph Boyd, Erin Sullivan, Amy Hoerler, Julie Tran, Shawn Mahoney, Steve Grgas, Kristopher Torres
(Not Rated)

Attack of the Doc! (2023)

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This documentary covers the cult show "Attack of the Show!" on the old G4 cable television channel. After watching the film, and doing a little reading online, the internet troll vitriol was sometimes more entertaining than the film.

I never saw "Attack of the Show!" or anything else on the G4 network. My first marriage had ended four days before the 9/11 attacks, and I was too busy sulking in a basement apartment or renting a spare bedroom from my best friend to sit down and watch cable television much, when I could afford basic cable at all. I was not a gamer anyway, getting that out of my system back in high school thanks to popping quarters into arcade machines or suffering through the Intellivision system at home. I didn't know AOTS was a thing, and I'm not even sure if G4 was on my system. One thing I was familiar with, however, was Chris Gore. I used to frequent a rundown little gas station in my then-hometown because they carried Film Threat magazine for some ungodly reason that I never figured out. I read and re-read every issue I could get my hands on, along with the Film Threat Video Guide, before loaning my collection to a friend and never seeing them again. I was going to be a film maker back then, carrying around well-worn issues of FT, Entertainment Weekly, Movieline, Premiere, and reading Variety and Film Comment at my alma mater university library. I wrote and directed one music video of a friend's song, graduated from college with a degree in Broadcasting (no, everyone in my life, it's not "the same thing" as film making), and never pursued my chosen career. Writing about film, on the other hand...

When I was in elementary school in the late 1970's and early 1980's (I'm the epitome of Generation X), I used to flip through Leonard Maltin's TV and Movie Guide. I started writing capsule reviews on 3x5 inch index cards, and put them in a little recipe file box. It was stuffed full by the time I got to high school, but it eventually disappeared during one of the many moves in my life as an Air Force Brat. Once I discovered the internet, all bets were off. I wrote reviews for Epinions, and then eFilmCritic/HollywoodBitchslap- those sites are long gone now. I had 10,000 TV and film rankings on IMDb, which consistently crashed my local library's computer. I'm now on Letterboxd, where I have over 6,600 films ranked, and I have almost a thousand old reviews there, as well as spread out on an archive blog, IMDb, TMDB, Amazon, and Rotten Tomatoes. All told, I've made approximately $1.75 from my decades of online film criticism.

I've been watching and reading Chris Gore since he had dark hair, and I had any hair. I don't have time to do entire podcasts, I'm a stay-at-home Dad and recovering victim of three decades in the Corporatethink/Big Box Retail field, but I enjoy Film Threat's clips on YouTube and Rumble, and reading the written reviews on their website. Gore pops up on Film Courage's YouTube channel as well, and his long interviews have me nodding in agreement consistently. I found a kindred spirit in Chris Gore and his Film Threat sidekicks, as well as Heath Holland at Cereal at Midnight, The Critical Drinker, Ryan George at Pitch Meeting, and Jeremy Jahns, and they're among my must-watches. I don't necessarily agree with them all of the time, but I like hearing their views on film, television, and physical media collecting- I own almost a thousand shiny discs and about as many books.

But what about the film?! Sorry, I'm talking about the film maker more than the film- something most of the reviews I read online are guilty of, too. "Attack of the Doc!" is a fun, nostalgic trip down memory lane for a show I had no memory of. Gore couldn't get interviews with the most famous hosts (Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn), and I don't know why. He covers it well, though, with plenty of old footage from the show as well as voiceover interviews with people involved in the production. Gore himself appeared on over eighty episodes, according to IMDb, and he appears onscreen in recently shot footage. I was never bored, the show seemed like something I could have watched in between episodes of "The State," "Mystery Science Theater 3000," "The Whitest Kids U'Know," "The Kids in the Hall," and all the other subversive comedy I absorbed, if I had known the show existed.

The trolls lambast Gore for an anti-woke section of the film. From my reading, I expected an hours-long diatribe, and was laughing out loud at the very few sentences I heard. They really couldn't do a lot of the material found on AOTS today, and it was funny to read about how "alt-right" Gore is: "A biased Gore inserts himself into the documentary on a show he was barely on and made it all about himself!" I'm hard pressed to think of a documentary that is unbiased, and when it comes to a film maker putting himself into a documentary, have the names Michael Moore or Nick Broomfield, as well as almost every "reality show," been completely forgotten? I wouldn't call eighty episodes "barely on" the show. Gore is criticized more for his honest takes about current pop culture, which is something I appreciate in the left-leaning world of Hollywood and film criticism. Sometimes I just want to read a writer's thoughts on a film without detrimental comparisons to the latest Trump rally, which has nothing to do with the film being reviewed in the first place. This is why I also frequently read John Nolte, Armond White, Bret Easton Ellis, and Christian Toto, and old material from Pauline Kael, Roger Ebert, and Gene Siskel. I don't agree with any of them all the time, but I'm not insulted for being a Middle America Conservative either.

So yes, if you were a G4 fan back in the day, you'll like this film. If you are like me and had no idea what the show or network were about, I think you'll still like this film. Chris Gore is "doing the work" as Gary Vaynerchuk preaches, and I appreciate that.

Stats:
(2023) 87 min. (* * * 1/2) out of five stars
-Written and Directed by Chris Gore
-Featuring: Chris Gore, Kevin Pereira, Olivia Munn, Candace Bailey, Sara Jean Underwood, Morgan Webb, Eric Andre, James Cameron, John Cena, Jimmy Fallon, Alison Haislip, Tom Green, Chris Hardwick, Tony Hawk, Stan Lee
(Not Rated)

The Turning Point (1977)

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The year 1977 was very good for director Herbert Ross. Not only did Ross direct this film, which was nominated for eleven Academy Awards, but he also helmed "The Goodbye Girl," which received five nominations. Out of the twenty Oscar acting nominees that year, seven were from his two films. If you love ballet, you will love "The Turning Point." If you have flashbacks to elementary school and suffering through your little sister's bit part in "The Nutcracker" the same way military veterans flashback to combat, you might still like "The Turning Point."

Deedee (Shirley MacLaine) is a former dancer now running a ballet school with her husband Wayne (Tom Skerritt) in Oklahoma City. The American Ballet Company comes through, and Wayne and Deedee reunite with all their old friends and rivals- both incarnated in Emma (Anne Bancroft). Emma and Deedee competed for the same part back in the day, but Deedee ended up pregnant and Emma went on to be a star of the company.

Deedee, however, gave birth to Emilia (Leslie Browne), who is now a supreme dancer in her own right and joins the company. Deedee and Emilia move to New York City for a summer where childless Emma makes herself Emilia's surrogate mom, and Deedee finds herself in the arms of old crush Rosie (Anthony Zerbe), never living the life Emma lives. The two head for a collision course on the night of Emilia's onstage lead debut.

While I am not a big ballet fan, I am a big fan of good acting. MacLaine and Bancroft nail their parts and Ross never lets one actress overshadow the other. Both of them are equally heroic and flawed, so the viewer cannot come down on one side or the other. Leslie Browne is hot and cold as Emilia, letting her great dancing speak for her character. Mikhail Baryshnikov is very effective in a clicheed role as the company horndog Yuri, who quickly beds Emilia. While Wayne is wishy-washy, we find out why at the end of the film, and Skerritt holds his own.

As with "The Goodbye Girl," Ross directs with a vengeance, never letting the camera stop. He is not show-offy or pretentious, but he keeps things going at a fast clip, even the dance sequences. They do not run too long or too short, but are brief enough where you can still appreciate the pure athleticism of the performers. I have not been in awe of dancers like this since I sat through the original "West Side Story." Watch for a wonderfully edited sequence where a fantasy dance between Yuri and Emilia turns into the two making love, a perfect blend of cuts and musical accompaniment. I do complain that the film runs about fifteen minutes too long, and some closure with Deedee and Rosie would have been nice.

"The Turning Point" is not everyone's cup of tea, but the actors and direction save it from being just another melodrama.

Stats:
(1977) 119 min. (* * * *) out of five stars
-Directed by Herbert Ross
-Written by Arthur Laurents
-Cast: Shirley MacLaine, Anne Bancroft, Tom Skerritt, Leslie Browne, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Anthony Zerbe, Martha Scott, Antoinette Sibley, Alexandra Danilova, Starr Danias, Marshall Thompson, James Mitchell
(PG)